


Maybe I just wasn’t good enough to blow your mind, you know I’ve tried.

by Fedies



Series: » ❝Brocedes Moments 2016❞ [4]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Brocedes, Jealousy, Lewis is jealous, M/M, Malaysian Grand Prix 2016, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fedies/pseuds/Fedies
Summary: Malaysian Grand Prix 2016.Lewis goes to have fun with Jenson in the evening after FP2 and Nico has a panic crisis, but the English man more than worry about him is infuriated because taking care of his boyfriend is Hulkenberg.The next morning, obviously, he feels guilty.Nico will forgive him this time too?





	Maybe I just wasn’t good enough to blow your mind, you know I’ve tried.

I hate the sun, especially in the early morning.  
Yet here in Malaysia it is so overpowered by the half-open windows that I just can not go back to sleep.  
I snort loudly, turning in my bed.  
My arm rests on Nico's bare chest, who sleeps next to me.  
His breathing has returned regular.  
Last night he had a kind of panic crisis, not as evident as when we went on the karts but more or less ...  
I was not with him.  
I had asked him out, to come and have some fun with me and Jenson before today's qualifying, but Nico said no.  
He said he was tired, that he wanted to rest in the hotel.  
And I'm so stupid to answer with a shrug, thinking only about what I wanted, so I went to the disco with my compatriot.  
If I had said I did not feel like going out, Nico would have stayed with me just to watch a shitty movie on TV.  
Because it is always so easy for him to put others first, he is always so understanding ...  
When I returned, almost at three o'clock in the morning, he was not in the room, neither in mine nor in his; I found him from that asshole Hulkenberg, who hugged him while Nico tried to stop the hyperventilation.  
Rather than being worried about him, I was so fucking jealous of that Force India pilot.  
He was doing what I should have done.  
I took Nico in my arms and dragged him into the room without saying a word, without making sure that he had really calmed down.  
I just wanted to take him away from Hulkenberg.  
What a baby, eh?  
And now I'm here, watching him sleep while the guilt weighs me unpleasantly on my chest.  
When Nico opens his eyes, I lose a beat.  
They are so blue.  
"Good morning..."  
He murmurs in a low voice, passing a hand over his face to clear the traces of sleep.  
"Are you OK?"  
Absurd, I should ask him.  
"Why did not you tell me you were sick? I would not have gone out"  
I tell him, directed like never before.  
He lowers his head, tormenting his lower lip with his teeth.  
I close my eyelids; Nico not to erect barriers, for fuck's sake.  
It's me, it's Lewis, I'm your best friend.  
Maybe he can not really trust anymore, not after all I've done.  
"Nico look at me, fuck"  
"I do not want to get my problems on you. You know how it is. It will be so until we end the season"  
Yet I always do it with him.  
I always tell him everything that's wrong, everything that pisses me off, just to not keep it inside me.  
Only now I understand that I should let him breathe too.  
"I want the boy I fell in love with when I was sixteen, Nico. The one who smiled at every bullshit I did, the one who had confidence in himself and did not need to prove anything to anyone."  
"This sport changes you Lewis, you have to take out the claws and you know it better than me. There are those who scratch, like you, and those who get scratched. Everyone is strong in his own way "  
He tells me, turning back his irises in mine.  
I sigh, this time I do not know how to reply. He is right.  
"Permit me at least to be near you, I know it's hard to trust me at this point but I'm trying to make it work, at least outside the paddock. Please, Nico, let me help you for once. "  
He does not speak for a while and I do not know what to expect, until he hugs me tightly and touches my neck with his lips.  
I feel the chills climbing up my spine.  
"But this time you do not go"  
He whispers to me.  
"I never left"  
I replied, joining our mouths in a kiss.

 

****

 

I will always remember the 2016 Malaysian Grand Prix: me and Nico, head to head until the last lap, where he passed me.  
This time I'm not so sorry to be second, I know we've struggled on equal terms and without exclusions of blows.  
He passed me because he simply managed the overtaking.  
It was him the best this time.  
As soon as I get out of the car, I can not help hugging him, regardless of the cameras, like that famous race in Bahrain two years ago.  
On the podium Nico smiles bright, like it did not happen for a while.  
Maybe it's really his year, who knows.  
Remains the fact that it's a magical evening and the points of separation between me and him are only five.  
I 278 and Nico 273.  
It will be a great challenge, I am sure of this.  
"What do you say if you join me on my jet back to Monaco?"  
He asks me, when we are alone again in the room after the most beautiful sex we have ever done.  
He's drawing imaginary circles on my chest and finally I feel he's really calm.  
"You want to be with Vivian and the baby, I do not want to disturb you"  
"Vivian knows, Lewis, maybe he knows even more than we do, and then I said I want to introduce you to Alaïa, the proposal is still valid. Please, let's make it all work this time"  
I abandon myself to a sincere smile.  
"All right, Nico. I'll come with you to Monaco"


End file.
